SARAH and THE SECRET SEVEN...DO SCRUTINY...

The Secret Seven are a secret society who hold regular meetings and organise things to do, whether it’s helping the community in some way, solving mysteries that turn up or just having fun playing Red Indians in the woods….

Well, on Thursday, because the weather was a bit gloomy Sarah decided that she and her chums would play indoors.

According to the Usher at the States Building it was only to be a private game and he was all for refusing admittance to the accredited press gang until “blogger” (yours truly) explained that it was only the start that was restricted. When Usher revealed that a special messenger had been sent out to buy biscuits we knew that we should be welcome to attend and watch - if not actually to join-in…

Normally, Sarah is Chairman (that’s what she calls herself) of the Corporate Services Scrutiny Panel (just her, Deputy Le Fondre and Deputy De Sousa only because she does not have many friends), so she makes up all the rules, but on this occasion she chose to appear as star witness before the specially created “Jersey Development Company Selection Process Corporate Services Scrutiny Sub-Panel.”

Obviously this is a silly title created by the Confuse-them Committee but the object of the game is much simpler to understand - viz Sarah has a SECRET and the Scrutiny Panel (all males) has to discover what it is!

So, on Thursday 31 March 2011 at 1.15 p.m., Senators Perchard, Breckon and Le Gresley together with Deputies Le Herissier and Le Fondre plus two “officers” sat around the truth table in Le Capelain Room to face the challenge of discovering “Sarah’s Secret.” What a super wheeze!!

Before going into the room of secrets, yours truly asked Sarah if we might video-record the proceedings for history since she was appearing unusually in the role of witness? Unfortunately, she explained, she had not had her hair done so she must decline and in any case, she said yours truly only ever writes bad things about Jersey and she cannot understand why people like me live here at all…nothing personal of course.

Deputy Le Fondre acted as “chair” and sat in the middle waving the magic pen. He explained that it was the first time he had ever done anything like this and they were really only trying to discover some basic clues to start with. As he explained, at the moment we haven’t got a clue.

But, very soon he was stringing together sentences of five words or more and Sarah revealed some strange things that had happened to her on several occasions from December to February last.

The whole room went very quiet as we all listened in anticipation.

Apparently, she had been invited to join an advisory group or something but she did not know what is was for and there were no rules or terms of reference that she was aware of. It was all a bit spooky because other people invited to attend seldom turned up and when they did, nobody seemed to take any notice of what they said or decided.

Deputy Le Herissier explained that he had been invited to attend one of these meetings too but had declined. However, this came as no surprise because he always sits on the fence and it is said that he still cannot tie his own shoe-laces.

A couple of times the Panellists seemed to be getting warm with their questions but Sarah kept alluding to some “big boys” with names like Ugly, Ozo and The Sewer who had been playing in another room, choosing a Chairman for the newly formed Jersey Development Company – and she was not at all keen to tell any tales on them.

There was somebody called “The Baroness” and apparently she was breathing fire for something that the big boys had done to her but Sarah had by now drunk all the water and her mouth sounded very dry.

Eventually Sarah confirmed that it seemed to her that she had been asked to play in a scoring-game but the result was known even before the game commenced. She was not at all happy about it but she wanted to whisper some answers in private although we suspected that she really wanted all the chocolate biscuits for herself.

So, we few onlookers were asked to leave the room so that the game might continue behind closed doors.

We asked if any details of the private proceedings might be revealed later but were told that these will be kept secret for eternity – if not longer.

We understand that Pip Rondel from St John had also played a part in these strange goings-on and that he wants to go into the “room of secrets” too and to be “put to the question.”

However, he will only do so in total privacy because he is really afraid of the big boys –even though he is a member of the

Stopford Road

gang. It is all so scary.

What can he possibly know that is so secret?

Scrutiny is such an exciting game!!!

Tom Gruchy